I had to make a quick decision the other day and I had to buy a great deal on a used car. I was not able to get a hold of my wife to consult with her.
She was upset about this. I told her that I valued her opinion, but since I make three times what she does, that in a pinch, I feel I have more say-so in where the money goes.
She was very upset, but I really feel this way. Am I wrong?
Help Settle Monetary Dispute Between Husband and Wife
August 19th, 2008 at 01:07 am
August 19th, 2008 at 01:28 am 1219109317
Um, I would say that your marriage isn't exactly a partnership (100%-100%) if you see that your greater earning potential gives you greater veto power. I feel badly for your wife if she is ever a SAHM and you are living on a one income family!
August 19th, 2008 at 01:31 am 1219109493
August 19th, 2008 at 01:56 am 1219110973
August 19th, 2008 at 01:59 am 1219111151
It's one thing if you can't reach her. It's another if you believe your opinion is somehow more important than hers simply because you make more money.
Oh, er, welcome to the blogs.
August 19th, 2008 at 02:05 am 1219111557
August 19th, 2008 at 02:12 am 1219111946
If she made three times more than me, I would be happy to let her make the financial decisions.
I may have to concede that I was very wrong if I don't get some opinions that agree with me.
August 19th, 2008 at 02:19 am 1219112347
Do you and your wife have an agreement that you get 3x the fun money in the budget, and therefore she can't quibble about something you saved up for yourself?
August 19th, 2008 at 02:31 am 1219113065
Valuing your wife opinion and saying that you have more of the say-so in one sentence is quite a contradiction.
August 19th, 2008 at 03:02 am 1219114940
For what it's worth, I believe I understand where you are coming from. You couldn't reach your wife, you were in a pinch, and you realize that, due to the income differences, you are likely to be the one who will end up paying for the vast majority of the car payment.
As a fellow guy, that logic is not lost on me.
The exact point of contention isn't necessarily because you earn more and may have to pay more, but the logical extension that it translates to having more say-so than your wife.
Again, I believe cost and income percentages are a separate matter from voting rights. General elections are more complicated, but basically, all of our votes are still counted equally regardless of what income tax bracket we are in.
August 19th, 2008 at 03:22 am 1219116157
By the way, welcome to our little bloggy community!
August 19th, 2008 at 04:29 am 1219120175
Yeah welcome.
August 19th, 2008 at 04:42 am 1219120945
Just to let all of you know, I treat my wife like a queen. I always give her an equal vote, but in this case I had to make a fast decision. I will tell her I was wrong, and beg her forgiveness on this issue.
But also like Boomeyers said, she could have appreciated the great bargain that I found.
August 19th, 2008 at 04:50 am 1219121458
I was doing some research and found out about debt negotiation. After researching all day, I am going to do it myself, and not use a consolidation/negotiation company. I might use the package you can buy from zipdebt.com, so I have a consultant to call or fax with questions, even though you do it yourself - someone to hold my hand so to speak.
But someone somewhere in my research today said you can find all the info on this site. So, I'm curious, are any of you doing your own debt negotiating, and how is it going?
Thanks again for all your comments, even the mean ones are appreciated!
August 19th, 2008 at 05:52 am 1219125131
Regarding the decision to buy a used car without her opinion, I understand making the fast decision, but I would have been offended by the higher income rights. I made two times what my husband did before the housing crash, but I never made a decision without him and I would hate to think what he would have felt if I had told him I made more money so I could make my own decisions without him ... yikes ... he would not have been a happy camper and when he's not a happy camper, none of us are.
August 19th, 2008 at 06:26 am 1219127192
I have already apologized to the wife and said I was very wrong. Then I showed her the blogs.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:56 am 1219143368
A great deal on X is not worth damaging your marriage for. You'll always have another chance to buy X at a good price, but hurt feelings and broken trust may not be easily gotten over. (And divorce is very expensive.)
August 19th, 2008 at 02:03 pm 1219154586
Likewise, we really don't fight about money. When you discuss it openly and can get on the same page, there really is little to fight about.
Next time I'd call her and avoid the fight.
August 19th, 2008 at 02:57 pm 1219157860
August 19th, 2008 at 05:18 pm 1219166290
However, your statement that you make 3x more money than her so you're right and she is wrong is what I and pretty much everyone else who has posted are having a problem with.
So, I would have to agree, this isn't a money issue, this is an ego (yours) issue.
August 19th, 2008 at 09:40 pm 1219182053
August 20th, 2008 at 02:11 am 1219198295
August 20th, 2008 at 01:38 pm 1219239482
August 20th, 2008 at 04:41 pm 1219250475
August 20th, 2008 at 08:54 pm 1219265688
I believe he wouldn't be able to include the car debt in the bankruptcy filing (at least not as a dismissable debt). What he probably was trying to do was to get it while his credit rating still had potential to get an okay interest rate.
August 20th, 2008 at 10:06 pm 1219269963
August 21st, 2008 at 12:15 am 1219277740
August 21st, 2008 at 04:25 am 1219292723
I'm missing something here. Does your wife also know that you are filing Chap 13, you had the lawyer meeting, your car lease was up, and that you were looking for a car? Or are you not telling your wife all that either?
If she was in on this, and its an emergency, the solution would have been to come up with a contigency plan together beforehand. Honey, we have to buy a car. Come up with at least the type of car, the general price range. If its better than that, it helps. Better than your 3X argument.
FYI - Making 3X the bucks and having to file Chap 13? Hmmm. I have a crazy feeling that this is not the first time you've used this rationalization and pulled this spending stunt. And perhaps your wife did the same thing. But Chap 13 should be a wakeup call, n'est ce pas?
Remember the saying, "its not what you make, its what you keep."
August 21st, 2008 at 05:02 am 1219294958
We'd been looking to buy a new or decent used car for weeks. Our credit wasn't good enough because our lawyer had advised us to stop paying our bills a couple of months ago.
So, we'd saved up about $3K for a used car. I found a 1991 Volvo with 150K miles for $1750 and tried for an hour to call her before I bought it. It was in perfect condition. Like new inside and out. The guy had all the receipts to show what had been done and when. He is moving to Japan and dumping it.
He had several more appts. that day. I had been looking at used cars under $2K for some time. And this was the one.
August 22nd, 2008 at 09:10 pm 1219439414
Ditto to pretty much what everyone else here has said, but you seem to get it. I would just want to add that it would be one thing if this were money from your PERSONAL savings account, but if you and your wife have a joint account, NEVER use that money in such a hasty decision. What's yours is hers, and vice versa.
But in the end, I guess you got what you wanted, including a nice piece of crow pie! LOL!
August 23rd, 2008 at 02:02 am 1219456947
Welcome to the blogs, do you plan on continuing with your posts?
August 24th, 2008 at 02:33 am 1219545192
In the future, if you know you will be shopping for something like this, have a conversation with your wife about what would be hypothetically acceptable. For example, if you are shopping for a care, how much would the two of you be comfortable spending? Another handling would be to arrange for both of you to see the car together. Explain to the seller that whether or not you buy is contingent on that. If they really want to sell the car, it should not be a big deal.
By the way, I have been through a Chapter 13 Bankruptcy. It was hell and I don't ever want to go there again, but I learned so much about myself and what is important and what needs and wants really are.
August 24th, 2008 at 02:58 am 1219546696
Thanks for the welcome. I will continue with blogs, but I feel beaten to death by this one and wish I could erase it.
August 25th, 2008 at 04:39 am 1219639143
January 15th, 2010 at 06:28 am 1263536904
Not only that he did't consult me on this one , he had done it before twice, new how mad I was, promised he'll never do anything like his again....
Alot of other things happened prior to this that broke my trust, I just started working on gaining it back... And surprise!
I'm smelling divorce here!
November 21st, 2013 at 02:30 pm 1385044246
@Tanya. I agree with your comment about divorce.